Previously on Spam the Monkey: episodes 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

As well as being really moreish sweeties, Skittles have a cool web site where you can create your own animated cartoon, based on the very nice ATL execution, and then share it with your friends on Bebo. I like it.

Sky have created a channel called SkyCast. I just don’t see why they didn’t create a channel in You Tube, pretty much the same functionality and one less registration form which is my personal beef at present.

Here’s a list of the Top 50 business blogs according to The Times. And here’s the response the readers inundated the paper with to create their own. Good example of listening and acting on the feedback.

And talking of listening and still with The Times, here’s a Booz Allen report on why UK banking customer service is poorly rated compared to other countries. While technology can improve the banking experience through text updates, online access etc., it can also be a hindrance, such as this one major issue:

UK bank call centres also came under fire because of the difficulty of accessing humans, rather than automated voicemail.

Important to remember that the human touch makes such a difference in these connected times. There is a sound 8-point checklist of how to improve the service too. Sounds straight-forward, and it is, but often the simplest things make the biggest difference.

And a quick update on this from Iconowatch:

Moving to an à la carte account model could be a smart move because consumers don’t want to pay for features they don’t want. Giving customers more control over their accounts is also a simple way for banks to grow in a difficult market.

MIKE VAN BUSKIRK, PRESIDENT OF OHIO BANKERS LEAGUE

No gimmicks. Just funny. Makes you want to click. Which makes a refreshing change. Sadly it doesn’t follow through on the BK site (excuse the pun).

Nokia have a new site out for the N95 about how jealous computers are of their product. Some Google mash up things.

Win a Chloe bag everyday with a new Sure for Women site by Craik Jones (Thanks to Silvan for sending that)

Dry Spell Institute by Wrigleys

A rugby bet

London’s best small hotel

Revitalise local communities with the wedge card (source: Toni & Guy spring/summer magazine)

And this is for those not easily offended:

Tongue in cheek viral for Rubber 55 (thanks to Emmel who still claims it not him as the star):

And with Lady K, you can now be kidnapped and thrashed about by some ladies for 24 hours (source: Toni & Guy spring/summer magazine)

Earlier this week the good folk of the Metro (free rag [newspaper to my non-English readers]) in London were handing out free sample sof a new product (I assume), Emmi Caffe Latte at Euston station. As it was free and pre-chilled, I picked one up. It tasted fine but nothing special.

But then I thought, I can’t remember the last time I got something for free without having to load in my name, address, DOB, email, re-enter email, short survey etc. And then re-click on an emailed link to authenticate that I am really me and that I do really want it. Or scrawl my details on a small coupon and send it off. While the digital age is  blossoming, I still find it a pain to fill in the seemingly endless registration processes for anything these days. I know DOB is usually a security thing but how many send me a birthday e-card? Er, none as far as I remember. Value exchange?

So while the drink wasn’t that refreshing, I appreciated the transaction approach. As an aside, the milk for the drink is sourced from the Swiss Alps. Evocative I’m sure but drinking milk that’s been shipped all the way over the Alps makes me think of how fresh it really is? Still, you can win a weekend in Zurich with them.

Pogonology: the study of beards. Here’s some more words to do with it and a very hirstute man that scares me.

Here’s a tribe dedicated to beards.

After signing up and what seemed like endless survey filling in, I got asked to join a Bzzz campaign for Lucozade Sport with Caffeine. I filled in (yet another) survey to qualify and will shortly receive a 12-pack in the post (the postman will be delighted) and further instructions. I hope the instructions self-destruct. I will be disappointed if they don’t. So, stand by for news and updates about my first agent campaign. I may be roping some of you in to see if caffeine in a sports drink makes you have palpitations or whether it works.

Spam does Dorset.

Previously on Spam the Monkey: episodes 1 | 2 | 3

Next time: Spam goes Dutch.

Earlier this week, I met a chap who had flown over from the US. He was in town for two days so my two colleagues & I were chuffed that we could be fitted into a hectic schedule. We met him in his hotel, the Hilton in Paddington, London. Location wise, it’s pretty good for his flight to Boston the next day as he’s right next to the Heathrow Express train. That’s where the benefits ended for me and an example of how a bad brand experience will turn you against a brand.

The hotel itself had quite poor signage meaning that we toiled for a bit to find the Executive Lounge where our host had asked us to meet him. The conversation went something like this:

Us: “Hi, we’re here to see Mr X [sorry, bit of non disclosure stuff required for the time being], he asked us to meet him here.”

Them: “Are you staying at the hotel?”

Us: “No, Mr X is, we’re meeting him here.”

Them: “If you want to use the Executive Lounge, you’ll need to pay. Mr X won’t as he’s a guest. Let me see if I can find him.”

Us: “OK, we’ll go and sit in the bar and wait for him.”

So far, we’d already been informed that our casual meeting would cost him/us to sit in the Exec lounge which looked empty and had nothing the bar didn’t - except perhaps for attentive waiting staff (see below). This seems wrong to me. Mr X had already probably spent at least £150 on the room. He would most likely have dinner at the hotel too, which as we all know if over-priced and under-prepared. He has a HHilton loyalty thing (as an aside, the HH thing is weird) and travels a gazillion times a year so is a super customer. And he would have been asked to pay extra to have a 1hr meeting with 3 guests so paying 3 times. Value exchange?

Anyway, we retreated to the bar. And Mr X pitched up. He looked hot and tired. He’d flown in early doors, had a meeting in Newbury and hot-footed it back to London to meet us, then have dinner after us with some colleagues/associates. A little frazzled with jet lag, he had with him a latte to go from Starbucks. Fair enough. The waiter came over:

Him: “Would you like some drinks?”

Us: [after the English pleasantries] “2 pints of lager and a gin and tonic please.”

Him: “Sorry, Sir [to Mr X], you will need to put your coffee into one of our mugs?”

Mr X: “Huh?”

Him: “We can’t allow you to drink that here, you will need to use a mug we provide.”

I could imagine if he was less tired, Mr X would have growled, lept up and attacked the waiter. But, considering he was fucked after his travel, he just shrugged. The mug came, it was tiny. He ended up filling it two or three times during the conversation as far as I recall.

And then our drinks took about 15 mins to come. And the bar wasn’t exactly teeming.

Is this the way to treat your customers? Charge them extra to sit in a slightly more quiet room (by the guest), make them decant their drink into a mug just because of some corporate nonsense and then make your guests wait longer than is acceptable for drinks to arrive?

I left with a bitter taste of Hilton hotels and the total lack of feeling that it is an upmarket, sophisticated, business-oriented hotel group. What do you think?

Separately, the conversation was illuminating and exciting. I can’t tell you much but suffice to say it fired my imagination about some stuff you can do with the thing you always carry about with you to make calls and send texts. I hope to reveal more soon. I also felt sorry for the punishing schedule Mr X has. I hope he finds some nice, boutique hotels.

Image from Google images 

When you gotta go… go in style. Just for the ladies, WC1 is a luxury bathroom for girls who can’t bear to go in like, y’know, just any old toilet where anyone might have been. You can get a bit of pampering too. Spending more than a penny I should imagine. But is there a holding pen for the chaps? Splendid idea on the back of an insight that every guy knows about! Why didn’t I think of it??

Get in touch with your inner 60’s love child and hire a VW camper van

Some more social media/photo upload things of hedonistic stuff for young things: See what these people did last night & some dirty dancing stuff & some fashionista stuff

Seriously hard core coffee that “straightens drunks, rattles teetotallers and brightens house chores“.

Source: Toni & Guy Spring/Summer mag